i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
