think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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