Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
