Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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