all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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