Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
