i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
