i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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