You're so nebulous sometimes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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