okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
