Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
