so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Shame is for Republicans.
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