Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
