just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
