Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
