Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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