Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
