Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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