I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
