I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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