Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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