I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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