Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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