My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
