I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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