Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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