I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
