Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
