remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
