It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
