he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
