its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize