You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
