Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
