So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize