Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he thought i was a dude.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
