she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
