So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
