You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I understand Curling. That high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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