i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
