I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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