they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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