My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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