we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
