my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
