dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
