Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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