im having a threesome with these popsicles
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
