Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
