there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize