I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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