I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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