Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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