just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
