In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
