I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
