If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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