Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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