last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
