I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
