One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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