She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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