If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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