IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You made out with two different species that night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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