Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
