At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
