***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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