I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
