Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
