she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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