i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
