How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
