shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
