We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just want nice things and good sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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